First Week.

Classes somehow look different on a schedule sheet than they feel in reality. Everything distends itself to some disproportionate size that seems almost insurrmountable. In the case of Calc. II, I believe I have finally met my match. I have not had calcI since 4 semesters ago and it appears as though everything that I learned evaporated from my poor head. Lecture yesterday felt like she took a club to brain and beat it to a pulp! Haha :D

The whole lecture (calc II) felt like some bad dream...jumping from one idea to another at lightning speed over topics that I vaguely recollected that refused to form into any solid idea; remaining in a cloud of mystification and confounded at my lack of recall and apparent lack of memory of any shred of useful information.

My other classes are good and I'm super super excited about my ecology/evo. class! The lab and lecture are awesome and the professor is one of the best of my college career. Yet that lingering feeling of inadequacy, like I'm some fraud dunce amongst geniuses. Maybe I'm being a bit insecure, but seriously some of the stuff it feels like the profs are continuuing some sentence that I missed the first 100 pages of (metaphorically speaking). I'm just going to have to actually, finally step up to the plate and play the game. Up to this point my semesters have been more busy work than anything else. This semester will be a challenge, which will be a nice change of pace.

I think I'm going to drop calcII and pick it up over the summer because the amount of coursework for each of my classes while attempting to relearn an entire semester of calc will prove to be a futile losing effort. I'd like to say I "toughed it out", but this I feel is no instance to let my pride into the mix.

My brother just said that someone who he worked closely with yesterday was out with the flu today so hopefully no flu for him nor for me! :-/

With so much to do and so little time I have to ask God to help me..since he controls the whole time-space continuum anyway ;)

-peace